IN PRAISE OF MEN Before things get too gender fluid

Oh men, men, men! You incorrigible bunch.

Between starting wars for profits and power you ole rascals and burning barbeques and failing to wipe down countertops and causing then denying global warming, you certainly keep us ladies guessing what devilment you’ll get up to next. Sure look it, I could go on but this isn’t a Gillette ad style toxic masculinity undoing. That would be too easy.

This is a piece in praise of men. Not all men. To be clear. Just the some. From a personal perspective. Not factual.

For the angry auld fella down the back about to blow a gasket about this kind of so called journalism. Calm down dear, it’s ok. Momma got nothing but love for you today. Before those gender stereotypes blend into an indistinguishable mush of X and Y chromosomes Gucci style, let’s take a moment to acknowledge some binary good bits, real or imagined, for future generations whose very existence is looking a bit shaky…thanks to MEN.

Anyway, hey ho, on we go. Whistle while we work. Keep it positive. Here are some good things about guys:

• They will stop and help you when your car breaks down, even in the pouring rain. This one always warms the cockles of my heart as a serial banger driver. I am aware, at this point I should know how to change a tyre and check for oil but my father always took on these gender specific roles and heck when trouble strikes, I tend to tweedle my hair and giggle, “I’m just a girl”. The sweet comfort of having a man come to your rescue in these circumstances makes me nearly forgive everything, even environmental catastrophe. Nearly.
• They (men, in case you’re not keeping up) make us laugh. They can be very funny those men. Some, not all. A good ole chuckle has been known to conjure the perfect masculine, feminine harmony, however fleeting.  
• They bond so easily over maps. Savour that sentence. You’ll soon not be allowed say that kind of thing, let alone think it.
• They can be so tender with children…then why don’t they take paternity leave? Excuse me, my mind drifted there for a second, back to positive thoughts only.
• They hold the door open and these days they even let you hold the door open for them. It creates a certain frisson.
• They (men, in case you forgot) look great in a white shirt and funny in their first pair of shorts of the season. Alessandro Michele might disagree.
• They’re great in a technical crisis, beyond turn it on and off again. They (not all) make great efforts to find a solution without giving up. Yes, women can be tenacious too Dolores, but we’re talking about guys now, while it’s somewhat permissible, so credit where credit is due.
• They are incredibly loyal…to their chosen sports team.
• They are great listeners…to sports commentary (Shhhh! I’m in full binary mode!)
• They have a toolbox, comes in handy from time to time.
• They have the ability to sleep soundly amidst the deepest series of crises. Truly miraculous.
• They can parallel park into the teeniest slot first time without breaking a sweat or driving off in defeat. They also make good getaway drivers, no gear change panic.

Basically, they’re alright, men, apocalypse aside. Now does anyone have jump leads? (Always men who help there too). Thank you MEN. We’ll keep you.